Create A Community That Cares

When Black activists and scholars developed the concept of self-care in the 1970s, it was intended to be part of a system that provided for people systemically and on a community level, not just on an individual level.

Social media may tell you that the key to staying happy and healthy is buying fancy candles and doing face masks. And by all means, if that brings you joy, DO IT.

But it’s not your fault if you do your best to take care of yourself and you still aren’t well.

To really thrive, you need to surround yourself with people who care for you. And when I say “care for you”, I don’t just mean people who love you – I mean people who will mentally and materially support you.

Everyone will need a different community of care, because we all have different needs. Some people need a large community, some need a small one. Some folks’ communities will include many healthcare practitioners, others do just fine popping into a walk-in clinic when they need to. Extroverts may need lots of social time, while introverts may need less.

Do you have the community you need to care for yourself? If you’re not sure, here’s a process that can help you find any gaps in your community and how to fill them.

How To Build Your Community

Determine your needs

Everyone has different needs, but there are some basic ones that everyone shares in their own way. Here, I’ve included a list of needs that you may need help with. Go through each one, and write down the ones that you feel you aren’t always able to fulfil by yourself.

• Physiological:

  • Getting groceries

  • Cooking nutritious food

  • Remembering to drink enough fluids

  • Getting refreshing sleep

  • Feeling satisfied sexually (this can mean being satisfied with not having sex!)

  • Managing any medical conditions

• Safety:

  • A secure place to live

  • Financial stability

  • Support and advocacy if/when you are discriminated against

  • Ability to access safe health care if you need it

• Love & Belonging

  • Secure friendship

  • Loving family (or chosen family!)

  • Romantic and/or sexual intimacy (if that’s what you’re into)

• Esteem

  • Strong self-esteem

  • A sense of accomplishment when you do something well

  • Feeling respected by others

  • Feeling respect for others

• Self-actualization

  • Being able to express yourself creatively

  • Feeling secure in your sense of right and wrong

  • Ability to solve problems when they come up

  • Self-awareness about your own prejudices and biases

Some of these may not seem achievable to you, perhaps due to systemic barriers that will need more than small community change to overcome. For now, let’s focus on the steps we can make towards meeting our needs through community.

Define Your Current Community

Your next step is to get a sense of your current community. Who is already helping you meet your needs? Go through the list you wrote and write next to each of them a person or people who help you fulfil this need. This list of people and groups is your community of care!

Grow Your Community

If there are any needs that you found you didn’t have any or enough support for, think about who you may be able to call on to help you.

A lot of the time, the first people you think of to help you will be family or friends. If you would like someone who you know to support you in a specific area, it can help to talk to them about it. Explicitly ask that person to help you out! You’ll be able to express exactly what you need, and this will give them the opportunity to set boundaries around what they are able to offer you. This nurtures a healthy relationship where everyone can express their needs and be clear about expectations.

But don’t limit yourself to friends and family! There are lots of professionals and classes that can help you with any number of your needs. Consider:

• primary healthcare providers (family doctor, naturopathic doctor, nurse practitioner, or physician assistant)

• physical therapists (physiotherapists, chiropractors, osteopaths, etc.)

• nutritionists and dieticians

• personal trainers and gyms

• estheticians

• sex workers

• life, business, and financial coaches

• community support organizations

• therapists and social workers

• special interest forums and groups

• art, music, or theatre classes

• book or movie clubs

• religious or spiritual groups

• retreats

• and much more!

Most of these people and groups have free content and communities, access to private groups and classes for modest prices, and one-on-one services available. Take what you need and you’re able to access.

The Take-Home Message

It’s vitally important that the people who surround you support you rather than drain you. This means asking your friends and family for what you need from them, curating the people you interact with on social media, and finding professionals who are best suited to help you.

If you’re looking for a community that will support your wellness, through the ups and downs of life, The Chaotic Wellness Collective might be the space for you.