How to have a healthy, diet-culture-free holiday visit with your family.

You put your fork down as the rest of your family sits around the festively laid dinner table, chatting about the same old things, and realize how uncomfortable you are. Both physically and emotionally.

You have worked hard to cultivate an attitude towards your body and mind that makes you happy and healthy. So why do you end up falling into those same patterns you unlearned years ago when you spend time with family over the holidays? And how can you avoid it this year?

It mostly comes down to this: families represent habitual ways of relating to each other and ourselves. Most of us spend nearly two decades establishing deep-seated patterns together. So even when you move out on your own, and start developing your own opinions, cultivating your adult personality, establishing healthy habits, and living into your own values, you can always drop back in to those old patterns when you’re around your family again.

But when those patterns are truly unhealthy for you, how do you stay healthy during the holidays?

Decide what a happy and healthy holiday looks like for you.

It’s not healthy to rigidly stick to your own routines during a vacation – in fact, letting yourself relax is part of the joy of the holidays. But if you know that certain routines are really important to you staying happy and healthy, make sure you create a plan to stick to those things, ideally before you leave for your visit.

Do you know that you feel truly awful for 3 days after eating dairy? Then commit to not eating any dairy. But if you know that eating cheese only causes a little tummy rumbling for a couple of hours, maybe that delicious brie is worth it.

Does your mental health take a nosedive if you don’t move your body for more than a couple days? Ask yourself if you should be bringing a yoga mat and some booty bands in your luggage, or if a short daily walk will do the trick.

Does diet and body talk make you super anxious? Determine ahead of time what you’re going to do if that comes up around the dinner table.

Leave space to relax into the family routines that make you feel good, while preparing ahead of time to hold onto your priorities.

Create new healthy holiday patterns.

Sometimes changing a pattern is as simple as questioning it.

Hopefully your dad didn’t mean to set off your IBS when he bought that brie.

I’m guessing your mom doesn’t want to prevent you from exercising, she just wants to spend time with you.

Most likely your aunt doesn’t know how anxious diet talk makes you feel, she’s just following social norms.

So sometimes just interrupting the pattern can make all the difference. That can mean naming the problem:

That cheese looks soooo good, but I’ve been having tummy problems lately and cheese tends to make it worse.

Suggesting a new way of doing things:

Hey mom, do you wanna go on a little walk with me?

Or reframing a conversation that’s not making you feel so good

Actually I don’t think about food that way anymore – I prefer to see food as something that nourishes me.

And if that doesn’t work, sometimes the only thing you can do is…

Set boundaries with family members.

When your gentle interruptions are not received well (or have been rejected in the past), your best option is to set a boundary.

A boundary is a request to the people who interact with you to behave in a certain way. Boundaries are most effective when they are reasonable, they explain the consequence of not holding the boundary, and they give the person you’re interacting with time to adjust to the boundary.

Some examples of boundaries with family:

That could look like

Date: December 17, 2021

To: Mom, Dad, Aunt Jennie

Subject: Cheese ☹

Hi!

I’m just emailing ahead of xmas because I know you three do most of the cooking and I wanted to remind you that I recently discovered I’m very sensitive to dairy. I would really appreciate it if you could make most things dairy-free or have a dairy-free alternative so I don’t starve. Jennie I know your pudding is super buttery so no worries about making that dairy-free, I can bring my own dessert. Let me know if you have any questions about what I can and can’t have.

Also please don’t try to ply me with cheese because you know it’s my weakness and you honestly don’t want to know what will happen to my intestines if I eat it.

Love you, see you in a week!!!

Or it could be:

Mom, I know you really want to spend time with me. I want to spend time with you too, and right now I also need to get out for a walk. It’s really important for my health. So you can come with me, otherwise I’m going to go on my own and we can hang out when I get back.

Or maybe:

Jennie, I’m not really comfortable talking about this. Could we change the subject? Are you planning on going skiing this year?

(and if that doesn’t work, excuse yourself from the room – the consequence of the boundary not being held is that you won’t participate in the conversation.)

Especially with family (who like to test our boundaries) you might find it helpful to scapegoat your boundaries – and a recommendation from a naturopathic doctor could be the perfect thing. “My naturopath got me to cut out dairy and I feel so much better.” “My naturopath told me to get some exercise in every day and I don’t want to disappoint her.” “My naturopath really helped me reframe the way I think about food – she told me to think about it like…”.

Although I would never make a rigid prescription that couldn’t be bent during the holidays…your family doesn’t need to know that 😉

Managing specific health concerns:

How to navigate holiday dinners with a food intolerance

Holiday foods can be full of ingredients that trigger symptoms, especially if you have IBS, or a gluten or dairy intolerance. First it’s important to find out exactly what foods are causing your symptoms - and you might be surprised to hear that a food sensitivity test isn’t the best option. Instead, work with a practitioner (like me!) who can help you uncover what’s causing problems.

Once you know what you’re sensitive to, use the strategies discussed in the blog above:

• Decide how important it is to you to avoid those foods.

• Reach out to the folks who usually cook dinner and discuss alternatives that you can eat.

• Offer to bring specific dishes that you can prepare with ingredients you tolerate well.

How to deal with IBS on vacation

If your stomach is sensitive, it can be nerve-wracking to be away from your home, especially when eating food that someone else has prepared.

If you have IBS, you may have some predictable trigger foods, but also get symptoms unexpectedly. You can use the strategies from the guide to avoid your known trigger foods, and also consider working with an IBS expert, like me, to identify other triggers and find ways to cope during a flare-up.

The good news is that IBS is completely treatable - you may not be able to resolve all your symptoms by the holidays, but starting to work with a professional now will mean faster relief from your digestion anxiety.

Managing mental health during the holidays

The holidays can be full of triggers and stumbling blocks that can make it really hard to manage your mental health. Use the strategies outlined in the blog above to:

• Make a list of the triggers you need to avoid, and the coping strategies you’d like to maintain through the holidays.

• Practice interrupting triggering patterns and setting healthy boundaries.

• Plan how to incorporate your coping strategies when you’re not in your usual routine.

  • For example, if you usually go to yoga classes near your house, can you look up a yoga studio in your hometown and sign up for a class? Or if that doesn’t seem possible, choose a YouTube yoga video and rope your parents into practicing with you.

Ready to get to the root of your health concerns so you don’t have to worry about a flare-up over the holidays? Book a free 15 minute discovery appointment to see how I can help.