5 things that being queer taught me about health

1. You deserve a healthcare provider who makes you feel normal.

All too often, I encounter people who are surprised to find out that I’m queer. People who ask about my husband and then are shocked when I correct them, like it never would have occurred to them that my partner was anything but male. It’s true that LGBTQ2SIA+ folks are a smaller percentage of the population, but we’re certainly not unheard of! When we hear this assumption that we must be straight over and over again, the message that it sends is that we’re weird. That’s not a nice feeling. Especially at the doctor’s office. You want a doctor who will really listen when you tell them about yourself and your problems, rather than making you feel uncomfortable for being different from what they expected.

“Nobody should have to accept poor treatment from healthcare providers just because they are authority figures””

2. You get to choose the people who care for you.

Queer communities created something beautiful out of adversity: the chosen family. All too often, families reject their LGBTQ2SIA+ children. Whether these queer kids are kicked out, or forced to distance themselves from unsupportive families, they learn to create their own families to care for them when the families they grew up with won’t.

It turns out, we don’t have to accept poor treatment from our families just because they raised us.

In the same way, nobody should have to accept poor treatment from healthcare providers just because they are authority figures.

You can find healthcare providers who will truly care for you like your chosen family does.

3. You’re not obliged to do anything the “normal” way.

In a heteronormative society, every queer person has to make decision to publicly live our truth, rather than just going with the status quo. You should have the same freedom when you make decisions about your health. You don’t have to accept the standard treatment offered by your doctor if it doesn’t feel right for you*. There are usually alternatives, and can choose to pursue the treatments that suit you best. You’re entitled to full informed consent, which includes a discussion of the pros and cons of all treatment options.

*There’s also absolutely nothing wrong with choosing the standard treatment if it feels like the right choice for you!

Photo by Liat Aharoni.

4. Identity is fluid, and that includes your health conditions.

People tend to identify with their health conditions, especially if they’re chronic. This is for the exact same reason that LGBTQ2SIA+ label our identities: to connect with resources and communities of people with similar experiences. But I’ve learned from my own experience of switching between three different labels for my identity that identity is not static, and holding onto a particular label once it no longer serves you can be harmful.

In the same way, identifying with a health condition can impose internal expectations about your relationship to your condition, and can create an illusion that it’s permanent, although it very well may evolve over time. So use those labels to access care and community, but don’t be afraid to allow that identity to change.

5. Anxiety and depression are natural reactions to a world that doesn’t accept you. Get support.

Anxiety and depression are unfortunately very common among LGBTQ2SIA+ folks, because of the constant stress of homophobia and transphobia. Being excluded, rejected, deprived of rights, and threatened with violence is enough to make anyone anxious or depressed! All the more so if it’s combined with racism, ableism, and other forms of discrimination faced by queer folks who exist at the intersections of marginalized identities.

Struggles with mental health are never a personal failing, and nobody should feel hesitant to reach out and ask for support. Mental healthcare should be accessible to everyone, but until it is, let’s all do our part to support each other, celebrate diversity, and advocate for systemic change.

Make Sure You’re Cared For

The life lessons that I have learned from ten years out as a queer woman apply to every aspect of my life, including my healthcare. Whether or not you are part of the LGBTQ2SIA+ communities, you deserve to feel normal and cared for, and you are entitled to flexibility and self-efficacy in all situations, but especially with your doctor.

If you live in Ontario and you need a healthcare provider who will create that kind of space for you, I’m your girl. Book a free, 15 minute discovery call to see how I can support you in creating your version of a happy, healthy life.